My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs and we each have a child from a previous relationship and one together. His son from the previous is telling our son he is not his real brother and we are not our sons parents. My son cried all day at school what do I do???

Obviously , you should talk to him and explain that you and your husband are his real parents , eventual you could show him his birth certificate . I don't see why he would not trust you ,his mother , but his brother .
Also , the whole family must be reunited once with the declared purpose to talk about and clarify all of the children's uncertainties, this way is no room left for fantasying about their birth .

I have set down with the little one,but the big brother does not see he has done anything wrong. I do not feel he should be breaking the little ones heart to make him feel like a bigger person. the big brother tells him this everytime he gets mad about something then we have to start all over again.....

Dear Tkatowen ,there is something you should be aware concerning the relationship between your sons ,that in any family-even in those where both brothers share the same biological parents- the elder may have some feelings of jealousy towards his younger siblings . Those feelings usually arise in your pregnancy period and are stronger when the newborn is also a boy and not a girl .The elder feels his position in your heart and in the family is threatened by the presence of the new "intruder" and the more he sees you preoccupied about his younger brother the more he'd want to make him suffer . There is not a simple solution to this situation ,but you have to keep in mind that you constantly should reassure your eldest son of your unchanged love for him.

Oh dear - children can be so nasty!

I assume that you have carefully explained all of the family relationships with all of the children. It would be wise to make sure that you carefully explain how much you love all of them and that you love them all the same.

I think you also need to punish the older child every time that he says it. Explain that it is a lie and they are not tolerated and take away his favourite toy, ground him or stop him watching TV for a week.

You haven't mentioned the ages of the children, but I think the first thing to do is have a conversation where you establish the family relationships IN FRONT OF ALL CONCERNED.

Thank you all so much for your support and advice. I have talked to the 10yr old and the 5yr old. The 10yr old continues to do this to his little brother and Dad does not see a problem he just says boys will be boys....I think that the less that I show my disappointment with the 10yr old for his behavior the less he is doing it. I am not sure why he has to hurt his brother but I am working through this slowly.

My older brother (who was from our Mom's first marriage) used to tell me I'd been dropped on my head after I was born and that kids don't count until they are twelve years old (he was twelve at the time). I remember feeling angry at him and I went to our Mom and she straightened me out. The point of this is to say that all older brothers seem to do this to little siblings. The son that is doing this is clearly not making fun, he is showing a problem that needs help. I think it was Green who said that this needs to be aired out with all family members present; furthermore, I think your hubby needs to do the majority of the talking, since it is his son that is doing it to the younger. I think your hubby needs to spend some good quality time with the older son, and give him some attention and affection. If this doesn't work, it's off to counseling, no time to lose.
PS I always thought of my older brother as all mine, that is, not a half- or step. There was not a whole lot of chat about "who was what" in the relationship department in my parent's house, and I think that was a very good thing.

I have three natural children and three step children and I am afraid little episodes like this do crop up from time to time. Perhaps the older boy does not feel fully part of your family unit, or perhaps he is repeating what his mum tells him. I think you are wise not to make too big a deal about it. I think the older boy needs reassurance from his dad that he is loved and is fully part of your family. In a similar situation when the younger child was upset by something an older sibling had said, I would respond with 'I know he keeps getting it wrong, never mind perhaps (older child's name) is not old enough to understand properly yet, but we love both of you so much that it doesn't matter if you are real brothers or half/step brothers'. It usually worked, children hate to be thought of as too young to understand.

Originally Posted by Green-Moo

You haven't mentioned the ages of the children, but I think the first thing to do is have a conversation where you establish the family relationships IN FRONT OF ALL CONCERNED.

I totally agree. Make sure everyone hears the same message at once, and be sure to make clear the ramifications of ignoring warnings to discontinue the agitation!