My oldest son is 14, his temper got the best of him the other day and he punched a hole in the wall. Hes a good boy and said that he didn't do it on purpose and I believe him. I think it scared him more then us when he did it and then looked back and saw the huge hole in the wall!! Have any of you gone through this with your teens? How do I help him deal with his anger issues before they get out of hand? I am scared that the older he gets the more they are going to flare up.

hole in the wall? Wow ... you sure his name is not clark kent? But seriously, most kids pick up from their environment. Is there history of any violent tendencies in his immediate surroundings? If not is he getting bullied at school? Any of these could be causing him trouble.

I don't think you need worry about his environment. We all have anger, we all have different ways of dealing with it, and we all go through a period where we don't know our own strength.

Asking him what frustrated him enough to punch the wall is a good start. His need for release is greater than the set of tools he has available, so provide him more tools.

Next, I think reminding him of the responsibilities of his approaching adulthood would be a good idea. Most teens accept legal ramifications, without argument, easier than expressions of parental fear....at least that is what I have seen in the years I have spent working with kids.

He is probably just acting out frustrations. Being a teen wasn't easy when I went through it and now days it seems even worse. Getting him involved in something that helps use up that pent up frustration and hormones might help. Does he enjoy sports? Maybe even get a punching bag for him to put in the basement or garage. I think it's common for kids his age to become agressive but talk to him see if there is more to it and like Sagemother said remind of responsibilities.

I don't know I have heard of quite a few teens who have punched holes in walls. I would be alarmed if I had a son do this but maybe it it's more common than I think.

Hi, thank you all for the comments and advice. His father isn't in the picture, he is/was a violent man, so that might have a part in it. Him and his step dad don't always see eye to eye so thats another issue. We have a close relationship and he said that he didn't mean to do it. I feel for him because its hard growing up in the world today compared to 20 years ago when I was a teen. I am trying to get him more involved maybe in sports or something to help with his issues.

Hey, what kind of walls do you have in your house? Because it is hardly to believe that a 14 years old kid punched the wall and left a hole behind, unless he is a martial arts freak.
Now, back to the problem, i guess that the temper is inherited from your parents and you can not do to much about it, but you can try to give him good books to read or to watch good movies such that his models will be positive heroes.

I might sound old fashion, but not only does he need to look back and see what made him strike out, but as parents we must also bare some of the blame for our children's behavior. My oldest is 17 he never punched a hole in the wall, but he did raise his voice at me and I had to act like an Ape in the ZOO. I am 5'1" he is 6 feet tall and i had to remind him who was mommy. I don't care what makes them angry never allow you child to feel he can express that type of aggression directly or indirectly toward you in YOUR HOME. We can remain parents and be friends, be open and talk.

Surprise your son, be blunt with him let fell he can talk to you about anything. Say, okay son I know you think I don't understand but i do know one the game times have change, but the teenage games or still the same. Have a heart to heart talk. I have a 17 and 16 year old we talk about sex, girls, drugs, their friends and pretty much everything.. There is not one question I am not afraid to ask my children. Try it what can he say but "MOM!!!!!!!!!!"

He doesn't know a different world, so for him it isn't any harder than it was for any of us. It only becomes difficult when people TELL him how difficult it must be for him.

I kicked a hole in the wall when I was a teenager, and I also threw my sneaker through a window. The good news is that I'm still around, and pretty well adjusted, actually. I think the best thing you can do is to help your son find a constructive outlet for his emotions. The worst thing you can do is to force him to repress or ignore them.

HTH,
Sam