I have been divorced for nearly 11 years, remarried for 9 and have one son from my first marriage. When I remarried, I had two more children , and they are aged 7 and 4.

My oldest son remained with me until two years ago, when aged 12, he expressed his wish to move in with his father ( heartbreaking!) but it was his choice and he has settled nicely since then (2 years ago). And I have continued to see him every second weekend and half school holidays.

Three years ago my current husband was diagnosed with MS, resulting in him leaving work permanently last year. He is still relatively independant, but his exacerbations can be quite serious at times and are quite regular. It takes weeks for him to fully recover from each 'attack'. He currently sees a psychologist for depression as a result of his illness.

Whilst he is still able, my husband has expressed a wish to sell up, and leave the city, to seek a better lifestyle in a quieter, semi-rural setting. He has suggested a place close to my old home-town where my mum and two sisters live. I am close to them, and the idea is very tempting, especially since I would have the family support I no doubt will need in the coming years.

But....I dont know whether I could be so far away from my son, as I would only be able to see him during school holidays due to the distance between the two cities ( different states!).

I have spoken to my son about the idea, and he has said he would be sad for me to leave, but understands the reasons.

My concerns are;

Whether I can cope. Some days I am excited about the opportunity to be closer to my family and have less financial worries, but on others, I just think of my son and my heart feels so heavy.

Could my departure ( despite regular contact etc etc) harm him in any way over the years?

If I dont agree with my husbands wishes, am I depriving him an opportunity to enjoy life in the place of his choice, before his condition deteriorates?

What a dilemma! At the moment, I don't feel like going, but the opportunity may pass to buy a home that is affordable in the area we like, if we wait a few more years. .

Any comments or advice would be appreciated! Thank you!

I think that your son will be becoming more independant over the next few years, and as he does he'll need his parents to hand less and less. I would say go for the move and enjoy time with your son when you can. With webcams and telephones being in a different state doesn't mean being out of touch any more.

yes I will vote for move too. Your son is getting older and will need you less on more frequent basis. I have watched my best friends mum getting sicker and sicker with MS over the years and I do not think they as a family would have coped as well if they did not have lots of support.

I think you should go ahead and move. Just make sure the time spent with your son is quality when you do see each other. And try to speak to him on a regular basis.

I was wondering if you had made your decision as of yet. A difficult one it is. I do agree that it is best to do the move. He is old enough to understand why you are moving.

I would agree that I think that you should move if you decide you want to. Your son might just like the idea in the end of visiting a new place and area.

Dear, quite difficult decision for you indeed but you have to look into the issue deeply.

At one side there is your son and on the other side there is your husband waiting for your decision which hopefully will change his lifestyle and health.

I would recommend you to please go with your husband decision as your child is already grown up and he must understand the family matters.

Hope you will be quick in making decision.

Quote:

Could my departure ( despite regular contact etc etc) harm him in any way over the years?

It is not the physical distance that most affects a child but rather the emotional one . If you were living centuries ago ,when there were not mobiles,wireless and webcams that could have been a huge issue and probably the best way to resolve were not to move .But with today's opportunities you might be able to see and talk and be there for him with a motherly advice or just to listen to him every day even 24 h/day ( well...you know better for how long).

Wow, what a tricky decision.

The good thing about being near to your Mum and other relatives could mean that you could ask them to look after the children and go and see you son alone at times. This would give you some quality alone time with him and might be better than you seeing him briefly with the rest of the family which I assume is what you do at the moment.

I can understand your dilemma and I wouldn't know what to do either - if only you could afford to keep houses in both areas and move between the two.....

Whiel I can see your dilemmia moving is a major need.
Your husband styill ahs years ahead of him, as well as they can be. As long as the courts did not specify that you cant move, then do the move. If you have to remain in state then you will have to find a place within those bounds.
I wish you and yours well in your choice. I nkow all states ahve wonderful listings through land and farm to fond just teh right place for you no matter where you go.

julie