Parental Filter

This is more hypothetical for me, since I only have one child, but my sister-in-law and her husband have three children, ages 3-9, and they discipline each child very differently. Some get timeouts, some get TV taken away, some just get a warning for certain things...I used to think that it was arbritary but then I asked them about it and they really have a logic for each and every decision they make.

Still, I'm not sure I agree with it. Don't you think that children can learn from the discipline procedure of their siblings? If they do, and then the commit the same or similar offense and are punished less or more than their sibling, what message does that send? Any thoughts?

Regardless of the logic, there are bound to be resentments building that will come back to haunt the whole family.

The way I see it, it is ok to discipline each child diffrently as long as the rules for discipline stay the same. So all the children have to have the same standards but diffrent forms of punishment can be administered. eg: a 5 yo will not be disciplined the same way a 15 yo will but neither of them are allowed to steal.

I feel that different age groups require different types of discipline. But I think that the rules should apply to all.

I think as long as the rules and expectations are kept the same it is ok. Children respond differently to discipline for many reasons. The two big reasons I can think of being age differences and personality. I think you have to use whatever works for each individual child.

I do not discipline my 7 and 3 year old the same way. Although they both know what is expected of them and the rules apply accordingly. If they were closer in age, then yes, I would most likely discipline them the same.

The way I see this, each parent is diffrent and parents their children diffrently, therefore you would punish them in a way suitable to your parenting style. Ok that's rather vague, but I thionk it gets the point accross.

I agree that the punishments might differ with age. I also think there are cases when you need to discipline one child in a way that is different than how you would discipline another. what works for one of your children might ot work for another. However, you should never give an excessive punishment to one and barely any punishments to another. And by excessive i do not mean spanking or anything as I do not believe in this form of punishment for anyone.

I agree that age is a factor in determining how to discipline children, but most importantly, I think the goal should be to find something that works and stick with it. Since children have different temperaments from each other (as do adults), I think it makes sense to discipline them in a way that will have a positive impact on them, which may include using different methods for different children.

Sam

Yes, my 2 boys have very different temperaments. The youngest can be more of a challenge in getting him to listen, but once he does he is ok with it. Now the oldest was fairly good at knowing what was ok and what was not. Although the second he is reprimanded or corrected then he digs his heels in and it becomes a battle of the wills.