ugh I just wrote a long reply to this and my computer went all wonky so it didnt post..

anyway what I tried to say was that I believe parents need to agree on what rules there should be in their household and stick to them. Nothing is worse (and more confusing) for a child then when the rules keep changing. I also think the kids should have some say in minor things which could f ex be: if they want to wear their blue or their green shirt that day.

I work with 15 toddles every day. We have a few simple rules and yes there are heaps of tantrumes. But after reapeting the rules over and over for a while they now (well most of the time ) stop what they are doing wrong only with me looking at them.

Our rules are:
1. do not hurt anyone
2. Chairs, tables and shelfs are not for climbing
3. you have to sit down when you eat and/or drink

and that is about it

I'd personally say the best way to discipline a child is by talking to them. I prefer talks, personally, because I feel that they are very constructive. Of course, I make sure that the child is listening before anything else, and I ask them questions just to hear them response and to know their thoughts as well.
I talk to them very softly, by the way, and I do my best not to intimidate.