My opinion is that grandparents should defer to the desires of parents - always, and without exception. Since parents are ultimately responsible for their childrens' development and well being, they should also have ultimate control.

Sam

This is an issue with my inlaws. They have so many times given toys that are not appropriate.
And then for my 7 year olds last birthday, my FIL, said he wanted to take him to Disneyland. This is without talking to us first and he wrote this on the card. Then he called me and asked when he could take him. I said, I wished I had known about this before. Then he goes on to say that he is taking him for 4 days. I said no way. This is from a grandparent that lives 5 minutes away and sees the kids maybe every few months!
I know it sounds terrible, but if he made more of an effort to be involved in the kids lives I may feel more comfortable sending him for 4 days.

It sounds to me like your FIL doesn't understand the "rules of engagement", and I think you're very justified in feeling the way you do.

Sam

Originally Posted by EviesEarth

This is an issue with my inlaws. They have so many times given toys that are not appropriate. And then for my 7 year olds last birthday, my FIL, said he wanted to take him to Disneyland. This is without talking to us first and he wrote this on the card. Then he called me and asked when he could take him. I said, I wished I had known about this before. Then he goes on to say that he is taking him for 4 days. I said no way. This is from a grandparent that lives 5 minutes away and sees the kids maybe every few months! I know it sounds terrible, but if he made more of an effort to be involved in the kids lives I may feel more comfortable sending him for 4 days.

As a grandparent you have to be careful and not over step your boundries. You can spoil them, but make sure you don't break the parents rules.

I don't mind them giving my children gifts, I would be happy and accept them because I know the presents came from love.. However, I agree with setting boundaries in such a way that they back off once I make a decision.

My husband's parents could probably pass for being the most stubborn people in the world. They make decisions about our son without even considering of consulting us, and what's worse is that my husband doesn't mind and loves them for it.

It is an everyday struggle, sometimes I feel like choking the life out of my husband for being so lenient and narrow-minded about the whole thing, but he never sees my point and dismisses me for just being "paranoid" every single time. You see, my husband worships his parents and sees them as saints, and although I see nothing wrong with that, I just don't see how he could not respect my decisions as the mother of our son.

I spend little to zero time with my husband's parents because I am not one to mask what I feel, and every time I am around them I scare myself at what I might suddenly blurt out saying, and I don't want any conflict.