Parental Filter

deltic, you have truly been more than kind with your Mil. Heckling you at your wedding, and at her own son's funeral? This woman is certifiable. I cannot believe the grace you've shown her, and you can be sure that you have given her every chance and consideration. Your daughter sounds like she learned her kindness from you, you should be proud of her!

I agree... and I think that "grace" is a very good word to fit this situation. It's
good to see our kids learning these kinds of things and not letting the "misfits
of the world" turn them bitter.

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement, it has really helped. I often wonder why my Mil has turned out this way, she grew up in a loving supportive family, her husband treats her far better than she deserves, it doesn't make sense. Her sister is totally different, kind, thoughtful, caring etc so I have no idea what caused her to be so impossible. Sadly she has alienated her entire family and she will have a very sad and lonely old age.

It sounds like the kids have made a good decision. They have spent time with their grandmother, understand that she has a toxic personality, and chosen to keep that out of their lives.

Grandmother could have chosen a different path, but since she didn't, she has no innate right to a relationship with the kids. No one should participate in obligatory love, no matter how ideal a relationship with any particular family member might be.

Honoring the decisions your kids made is really more important than getting them to behave as you would have them behave. Otherwise, you risk losing your relationship with them as well.

Be very careful.

I have never been a big believer in obligatory love, or requiring children deal with people based on family ties.

If the grandmother didn't care enough to think about the affect her behavior might have on others, she doesn't deserve a relationship with them, IMHO.

I think you have summed it up well. The grandmother has had every chance to build a meaningful relationship with her grandchildren, but she has failed to do so. Now it is too late she has nobody to blame but herself.

You put that very well and you are quite right. At least they know her and they know what she is capable of, she has no power over them they will not let her mess up their lives

Not only that, but they will be able to sense those tendencies in others!

There's nothing better than recognizing "psychotic potential" when you see it as an adult!

Thank you, that is a very wise comment. I know it has caused sadness but I am glad that the children had a chance to know their grandparents and to understand the situation.