I'm a single mom of a 4 year old little boy. His father still lives at home with his parents. My son sees his father 1-2 times a week. While he visits his father I know his grandparents are spoiling him and they let him do whatever he wants. I dread picking him up because I know as soon as I walk in the door he will run screaming. He screams things like, "I want you to go away", "I want to live here", "Dont get me". I understand he loves his grandparents and that he always has a lot of fun there, but it is really embarrassing to hear him run away screaming. I have tried talking to him about how it hurts my feelings, I have tried timeouts... nothing works.... any advice for a smoother transition!!!

I know that my cousin had the same problem with her son not wanting to leave his grandmothers house. She spoilt him rotten and he loved it! Unfortunately there was nothing that stopped it until they moved away and the boy only say his grandparents occasionally, he was also a teenager by then so knew better than behaving like a spoilt child.

I think you need to just get the child out of the house as quickly as possible and ignore the behaviour - if you can ask every one else to help you by ignoring it too and encouraging him to leave.

Maybe his father and / or his grandparents could be encouraged to have him all ready to go when you arrive, so that the time spent getting him together and actually leaving is reduced. I'm sure they don't like it any more than you do.

Originally Posted by Green-Moo

Maybe his father and / or his grandparents could be encouraged to have him all ready to go when you arrive, so that the time spent getting him together and actually leaving is reduced. I'm sure they don't like it any more than you do.

As Green-Moo says, they need to cooperate in having him ready for you arriving and also in not standing for any nonsense if he starts to object. They could tell him he won't get to visit again if he doesn't stop that, you know. Obviously they wouldn't mean it but it could be enough to make him stop. You guys need a united front and they need to play their part too.

Kel, I just read your post again and you know what, it's not your son that needs to be talked to, it's the grandparents! They really do need to support you by telling him that it's not nice to say things like that and to behave when you come to get him. You can't expect a four year old to understand very well about hurt feelings. All he knows is he has a great time and gets to do whatever he likes. Heck, us adults wouldn't mind having somewhere like that to go to sometimes too!

I hate to say it, but are you absolutely sure they're not encouraging it? I knew a lady who spent all her time when her estranged granddaughter visited saying 'Would you like to come live at Grandma's house all the time? We could have such fun! Do you like living with mommy? You could sleep in such and such a room, we could do this and that (which of course was things mommy never had time to do with her) " etc etc.

So by the time the kid was getting picked up, in her small mind she'd practically moved in and just needed the one obstacle that stopped her from doing so to be removed- her mother. She of course thought if she yelled enough eventually someone would say " okay, just stay then!" The grandma always pleaded ignorance as to why the little one was behaving like that of course but I saw it with my own eyes many times and quite frankly it made me sick.

Small kids always say yes they'd like to live there because Grandma's is the fun place. We parents just have the day to day responsibility of dealing with everything else! Don't take it to heart or allow it to hurt you. Just pick him up and take him out, tucked under your arm if necessary lol. When you get home, no treats or anything, just put him in his room.

He needs to know that it's unacceptable to throw a tantrum then expect to get away with it. Since he's doing it as a habit now, that habit needs to be broken sooner rather than later because the more he gets away with it, the more he'll do it. Before you know it you'll be chasing him around MacDonalds with him screeching at you. If you think it happening in the relative privacy of someone's home is bad, try that for size!

Timeouts etc only work if you're consistent. If you keep doing it week after week, he'll soon get the message that it's not going to stop until he does. A pain to do, I know, but it works. Best of luck, you're doing the hardest job in the world but you're not alone. Keep your chin up.

Four years old is the age when a child is most temperamental with often mood's changing for no reason. He may be happy this minute and sad the next .So your son behaving like you said might be something he'd forgot the minute you got him on car or on bus on your way home . I don't think you should fret too much about it right now but be patient with him .
As he grows will become more and more emotionally stable and will begin to understand other 's feelings too .

That was great advice, Serenity! I read it thoroughly and I agree with everything you said. I also have this similar problem with my husband's mother, she loves being in the spotlight and loves it even more when my son chooses her over me. Of course, she acts indifferent as though she's not the one to blame but even though she hides it, it's very obvious because she makes everything a competition between the two of us. I can tell that she is secretly enjoying it.
It gets very annoying sometimes, which is why I always do my best to avoid her at all cost.