I split up with my ex in July last year, we have a daughter together who turned 2 today. Due to the financial situation we never lived together, although I did as much as I possibly could and spent as much time there as possible. Since my daughter was born, she has lived in 4 different houses with my ex, always dragged around to suit the ex (ie her reasons for moving around were always selfish and didn't seem to take the children into account). I've never been happy with this.

On what grounds would a father be able to attempt to get custody? I'm concerned that she's had a lot of unsettlement in the first 2 years of her life and while she doesn't seem to be affected by it, it also can't be very good for her.

I'm not sure if he has many rights, the mother usually gets preferencial treatment when it comes to custody. However if he could prove that you are a bad parent he could have grounds.

Also do consider how this affects your other children. In the other thread you said you older daughter has possible anorexia, this could also be a reason for her eating problems.

I also see that the father has much less rights and would have to prove serious negligence or criminal misconduct on the part of the mother to even have the court consider giving him custody

i think what dad2b says is correct...usually the custody is granted to the mothers..

due to the fact that most of the time dad's are less serious in raising up...

i think you can try to prove to them that you can take care of her better than her mom...if you really feel you can..

Here in the US there are casss when the father wins custody. The courts still like to lean towards the mother but there are possibilities of gettting custody if the court determines it is in the child's best interests.

Perhaps if a child psychologist could find some problem linked to the mom's irresponsibility there could be a chance too. That kind of stuff is winning over many more judges these days.

A child as young as your daughter is still at the stage where her mother and what they do together each day is pretty much her world. She probably isn't all that affected by moving. She's also still at the brain-development stage, and you have to be really, really, careful about doing anything that would adversely affect her "world". If her mother and she are bonded normally trying to separate them could affect your little girl forever. Maybe you can remember back to how much you loved your own mother when you were two? (assuming you did)

Fathers can get custody if the mother is an absolute incompetent, is seriously mentally ill, and/or is abusive or negligent. In fact, one of the big tricks that abusive husbands do is to call the mental health people on their wives, get them brought to the hospital for an evaluation, and get it so the wife has to prove a negative (that she's not nuts). Generally, that's the way fathers can get custody - but the only people who can do that are people who are so narcissistic and selfish they don't care about tearing apart a mother and child and just do whatever it takes to get what they want.

If you go to court and make the issue out of your child's mother moving around a judge may order you to pay enough money to her so she won't have to keep moving around - if money is the reason she's been moving.

In any case, find some expert opinions on the damage that separating a child of that age from her mother may do. Children of two and three are almost "in love" with their mothers. Later their world expands, but at that age they're awfully, awfully, attached; so look into possible consequences to her brain development and attachment issues before you look farther into trying to get custody.

Originally Posted by khulja

I split up with my ex in July last year, we have a daughter together who turned 2 today. Due to the financial situation we never lived together, although I did as much as I possibly could and spent as much time there as possible. Since my daughter was born, she has lived in 4 different houses with my ex, always dragged around to suit the ex (ie her reasons for moving around were always selfish and didn't seem to take the children into account). I've never been happy with this. On what grounds would a father be able to attempt to get custody? I'm concerned that she's had a lot of unsettlement in the first 2 years of her life and while she doesn't seem to be affected by it, it also can't be very good for her.

There are people raised in relatively nomadic situations with few ill effects and at two, your daughter is able to learn to live as is necessitated by her family's circumstances. Unless there is a situation where the mother is homeless, there is probably little if any recourse.