My sister is divorced and her children who are 4 and 6 are very well adjusted. They know that they see Daddy whenever they want to but live with Mummy who has a new boyfriend but he will never be their Daddy.

I don't think it's right to brainwash a child against someone, especially a parent. It's going to make the child feel very confused in the process and that never does anyone any good. You will end up raising very confused children, and you don't want that.

Instead, never bad-mouth the other parent, teach the child to continue respecting the other parent, and this will make things easier for the child, because it is never easy for a child to take sides when it is both of his parents on each end.

Children will love their natural parents even they divorce and speak bad about each other and unfortunately this is the case most of the time ,the parents that are mature enough not to try to "steal" the child's love and attention by speaking bad about the other are very rare .

Children will continue loving both parents no matter who badmouths who, but from personal experience, I know for a fact that the process becomes easier for the kids if both parents don't use the method of badmouthing the other parent. Divorce and separation is very hard for the child to adjust to, and if any one of his parents at all care about how the child feels about the situation, then that parent will not make it any harder for the child by making him hear hurtful things about the other parent.

Actually, I don't think that parents who do not badmouth each other during a divorce process is rare. We've evolved into decent human beings after all, and we do love our children. I'm even impressed at how some couples get through a divorce by supporting one another.

I have been generously when saying mature parents are very rare , as a matter of fact I haven't met one single couple who did not speak bad of each other on their back .
More , they consider that is for their child benefit to know what kind of jerk is his father or his mother and pretend that just out of love for the child they say that so he should not follow the other "jerk" parent footsteps.
But ironically some of them would add , "Even if your father is a jerk ,you still have to love him because is your natural father"
....lol.....

Originally Posted by Nathan

I was watching a movie about kids that have divorced parents the other day and alot of them seemed confused. Some of the parents were telling them that the other parent was bad and not to see them at all. What do you think divorced parents kids feel?

Personally speaking I would like to tell you that my parents are separated already and I have been brought up by my mother. According to me, confusion is the term not related with the divorce of the parents but their negligence. If a mother or father is taking good care of their child, than I don’t think such problem can occur.

I think that no matter how much we might dislike our ex's, we cannot say anything bad about them to our kids. Both parents must be in that child's life and bad mouthing one is not good.

If a child is confused about their parents' divorce it is the parents fault. It's up to the parents to think more of their child's feelings than their own.

Confusion and parents talking bad of each other will make the child feel as if they did something to cause the divorce.

When my parents separated, I went to live with my father and every time I met with my mother, she'd keep brainwashing me against my dad, but my father never did such a thing and instead taught me to respect my mother, and encouraged me to keep in touch. This was one of the very reasons I felt safer with my dad, and which was why I went to live with him during the separation, because he was selfless and thoughtful, and basically when I was a child, in my eyes he was everything I needed and my mother was everything I didn't need.

So, from personal experience I could say that it is always better not to bad-mouth your spouse in front of your children because it will only draw them away from you. Instead, guide them properly, your ex will always still be their parents no matter what so try to make the best out of that.

That is your experience , Mommy in Pink and of many others . However, I do know a girl here, the daughter of one of my acquaintances ,that was brain washed by her mother who bad mouthed all the time her ex-husband, respectively the girl's father. .The girl is now over 18 years old and has strong resentments towards her father .