Parental Filter

My daughter has a fairly unusual skin condition that she has been told will be with her for the rest of her life. It has to be managed rather than treated because there is no effective treatment. At times her skin is fed raw especially under her arms, under her bust and in all the other places where skin touches skin. It can flare up so quickly and it even effects her face. I think she copes very well, but how do I help her to feel good about the way she looks and maintain a good body image. She is 17, and she has had the condition for 5 years.

I can see how hard it must be for her, so there is little point minimising the discomfort or the feelings it must bring. Maybe you could help her to make the most of her hair, her nails, clothes etc all the things that boost her confidence.

I can really feel for you. I also have a skin condition that affects my arms, legs, and face. Affected skin can be the most disheartening thing. If she needs to wear any concealing clothing, make sure it is fashionable and nice to wear. I would suggest that she should wear an all-cotton bra, as synthetics can make even healthy skin erupt. There used to be cotton things called "dress sheilds" that women who perspired very heavily, perhaps if they are still around, they might be comforting to her skin. If her skin tolerates it, perhaps she can dust a little cornstarch under her breasts and in her armpits. That can be soothing.

Thanks for the advice, I will look into the dress shields idea, she already wears cotton next to her skin. She is quite good about covering up too much because it benefits from a little exposure to the sun (with sun block on) but I know she finds it frustrating to have to explain it to other people all the time.

She may find a support group helpful, have a search online, even if it is just a forum she may get ideas and support from others with the same condition.

I cannot believe how rude strangers can be, like they are entitled to information that is none of their business. I don't know how you'd feel about it, but I'd give her free rein, from telling someone it's none of their business to making up some outrageous story to tell them. Then, there's always the offense maneuver to consider; ask the nosy person how much they weigh, or have they considered a nose job?

I once worked in a children's home. We had a girl who had spina bifida, she was seven at the time and if we were out she had to use a disability pushchair. I couldn't believe how many people thought it was OK to stop and stare or even to ask me what was wrong with her. The girl was amazing, she would tell them in great detail, pointing out where they pot the shunt in her head, where they had operated on her legs and why she wore callipers and special shoes. Just when the person looked totally humiliated she would lift her top and show them her catheter bag. I really admired that girl, she knew exactly what she was doing.

You have to be extremely brave to deal with spinal bifida, and it sounds like your little friend had bravery to stare.
Most of the starers and nosey people don't mean any harm, yet they cause it just the same. A little education on the fine points of courtesy is what's needed to make them stop and think.

some people have no manners and no boundaries, it makes me so angry when they ask embarrassing questions especially to young people. Justontime that little girl sound like she was old beyond her years.

She gets comments at work (in a large non food retail environment), people think it is OK to point out her skin condition (as if she hadn't noticed!) then they ask her questions about it. The problem is it can flare up really quickly and it seems to fascinate people.