Anorexia is not a phase to be grown out of. It is a disease that if left untreated could eventually lead to death. You definately need to take her to see a profesional to be evaluated.

Originally Posted by happy2bg33k

I would agree with consulting with her doctor. Unfortunately one of the components of an eating disorder such as anorexia (some of the habits of which you are definitely describing) is that the more of issue you make about eating the more likely the behavior is to escalate. Does she talk about having a negative body image or say anything about being teased?

And add my agreement, too. I've done some journalistic research on eating disorders for an article and you have described something that's common with the girls who end up with the ED's. Little kids have "phases" of disliking certain foods but a 9 year old purposely trying to make it look as if she ate is something different.

If she's tried to hide from you that she refused to feed herself is a sign you should take it seriously and seek the help of a professional .She may be emotional disturbed by a poor self-esteem or , taking into consideration that she remembers her dad death , she might be scared to grow up ,due to the fact that she associates being an adult with suffering , or she just may not feel that is loved unconditionally by you .

I think you have to explain to her that the images that she sees in magazines are not real. Not all of those pretty models look the way they do in the pages. Tell her about how the pictures are air brushed and fixed before they are published.

She also should know that nine is way too young to worry about her weight. But if she thinks she is too heavy then take her to her doctor and let him talk to her.

You can also suggest that the two of you together can go on a healthy eating plan. Maybe if she feels you are with her she will eat along with you.

Wow, at nine years old? I'd have to say that's very alarming. She is still too young to start having full blown insecurities and result into actions that could possibly cause danger to her health. I would be just as confused as you, and I would probably worry about how to approach the problem the right way, as well.
As much as I'd like to suggest you having a one-on-one with your daughter, I just don't feel that it would make more of a positive outcome, instead I fear that she might just end up hiding her habits more carefully now that she knows that you are aware of them.

Maybe you should consider seeing a professional, who can offer professional advice. It is very hard to come to decide with what is best to be done in a situation like this, you are going to need all the guidance you can get.